My Valentines Story

Hello loves,

We all know valentines day is just a day away so what better way to celebrate than telling you the story of how me and my boyfriend Karl met. Some of you may already know him from my YouTube channel but for those of you who don't then I guess this is the best way to introduce him!

So, how did we meet?

We first became friends in high school in year 8 as we had a lot of mutual friends. We spoke often in school but had never talked properly outside of school until we ended up in some of the same classes together in year 9. We began getting the bus home from school together as we take the same bus and slowly became best friends over the years.

I remember him bribing me to walk the long way to the bus stop by saying he would buy me a cherry coke. "You where a cherry coke whore" says Karl - LOL. I was. Not even going to lie, I was obsessed with it.

Here's a little throw back picture of us on a day out to an arcade. I totes beat him on the motorbike games. (Not really.)

I'll be honest we where the type of friends that argued constantly. Mainly because his way of communicating with me was to annoy the living s*it out of me. I have always been a massive fan of music and back in the day 30 seconds to mars where my favourite band EVER. He used to always tell me that they where terrible to purposely wind me up. I got my own back though because a few years later he ended up liking them too!

So basically all the way through school we where best friends. I talked to him about anything and everything and could literally have the weirdest conversations and didn't feel like I was being judged. I always remember my best friend Katherine telling me he liked me but I never believed her, I was in a relationship at the time and sadly I just never saw us being more than friends. HOW WRONG I WAS, EH!?

So lets fast forward into college. We attended the same college and still talked pretty much everyday. However, I became a little bit of a party-holic through the first years and we slowly began to lose contact. Even though we barely spoke I knew he was someone I could turn to if I needed him and that was the type of bond that I could never let go of.

So, I began my third year of college and we began getting close again which sparked a lot of curiosity with our mutual friends. I remember sitting in the class next door to him and texting constantly and everyone giving me the 'why don't you just hurry up and get together' look. 

Most of the pressure came from our mutual friend Simon. He will be so happy he's finally getting some credit for this, haha! Me, Karl, Simon and another mutual friend always went to a pub after college for food and I remember us deciding to stay for a drink one day. I was a tad tipsy and Simon decided to bring up the fact that we clearly liked each other. AWKS.

That night we got home and started talking about what Simon had been saying earlier in the day and we decided it was about time we went on our first date. Although i'd known him for around 6 years at this point I was still super nervous. Here is a little snap from our first date.

Nothing calms the nerves like a glass of wine. AM I RIGHT LADIES!?

So the date was as planned - pub for 2 drinks and then the cinema. Instead we chatted so much we didn't end up going the cinema and just stayed in the pub chatting and I absoloutley loved it.

After spending a few hours talking we decided it was about time we went to get the bus home. 

On the way to the bus stop I realised that he seemed super nervous and quiet which I have NEVER seen Karl do before - especially around me. He slowly turned to me and said "Can I ask you something?" and at that point I knew exactly what was about to happen. Safe to say my heart almost fell through my arse. I was so nervous that we would lose what we had if we became more than friends. 

I laughed from nerves all the way to the bus stop and we sat down to wait for the bus. He sang and looked away from me awkwardly while I stared at him trying to figure out what to say and then we would laugh like school kids from the awkwardness of the whole situation. Eventually I asked if we could meet up again to talk about it. I look back at that now and I'm like Katie, you didn't even have anything to talk about, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY YES.

Anyway, that weekend he came over and we talked. I got the guts to say yes and we sat up till 8am watching the sunrise and I knew that it was the start of the best relationship I have ever had.

So, where are we now?

We have almost been together for 2 years and I have never been happier. Yes we are human and have our arguments - we aren't perfect but I like to think of us as a real life fairytale and I can't wait to live out the rest of our story together.

I was never someone who thought of the future before we became a couple. He makes me look forward to every tomorrow and that is something that hand on heart I have never done before.

I feel lucky to be spending this valentines day with him.

I hope that whether you are spending V-day with your friends or someone you love that you have the best day.

Thank you so much for reading,

Katie Ellen. xxx 

Good Grief

Hello beautiful's,

I am back this week with a more serious blog post as I think this will not only help me but also help those of you dealing with the death of a loved one.

Over the Christmas period I was staying over at Karl's (My boyfriend) and was fast asleep when I awoke to my phone ringing. Now I didn't panic as when I am away from home even for a day my mum and I will keep in touch through texting and an odd phone call so I wasn't worried. However, when I answered the phone and heard my mums cries I immediately knew what had happened. It was then that she explained that my granddad had passed away.

Now I must stress that we was not expecting it to happen as although he was 89 he was almost healthier than me! Haha! So it came with trying to accept what had happened while grieving and it was a huge whirl wind of emotions in my head. I couldn't accept that my little Granddad was gone.

It's crazy isn't it how the world keeps turning and people go about their daily lives when your whole world has just came crashing down. But I guess that's why i'm here making this post. Because my life has to keep going without him.. whether I want it to or not. So, I am going to give you some things I have found helpful when dealing with the shock and death of a loved one.

1) Acceptance 

I actually want to write that I hate this word, because in a way I do. We never want to accept that someone we love has gone, but the sad part is that we have to. For me I took moments alone to sit and tell myself that what was happening was very real, it helped me to accept it when it came from my own head. Although it hurts and tears will come just remember that someone else is going through this too. You aren't alone. Every time I found myself upset I'd wonder what he would say to me if he seen me that way... I reckon it would be something like "Blasted ell, what are you crying for!?" haha. Remember those funny little things, they will probably help most.

2) Memories

Now, if you have just recently lost a loved one then I bet you rolled your eyes at this one didn't you? I almost did too if i'm honest, haha. 

Memories hurt most when a loved one first passes. You remember all the little things that mattered the most that now hurt you from the inside out. The good memories - the bad ones.. they all hurt. However, there is one thing that I can promise you. Over time and once the shock begins to fade and you find yourself thinking about them without having a breakdown - those memories will be everything. Cherish them in your heart and mind.

3) Grieving Together 

This one played a massive part for me. I am very lucky to have a very close family. We would visit my granddad at his home around 4 to 5 times a week with my uncle and auntie & maybe more sometimes; to have tea with him and just spend time watching TV and chatting away. The thing that comforted me most was that after his passing we still kept on doing this. We would meet at his house and talk about all our amazing memories with him and grieved together. 

Sometimes we believe we can't show emotion in front of our families after things like this because we want to stay strong for each other. That is not true. Sometimes crying together and picking each other up can be a huge step in processing grief together and alone.

4) Look After Yourself

Sometimes after a loved one dies it feels like part of us has gone with them too. We can get so caught up in making sure everyone else is okay that we forget about ourselves and it's so easy to do. We lose our appetite and when the person who has passed is part of your day to day life you find yourself losing track of time and days without them - but please remember that you are important to the people around you too.

Even if its as simple as taking a long relaxing bath or treating yourself to a takeaway. Those things can really make a difference to your mood and will also give the people around you reassurance that you are looking after yourself during a time when it doesn't feel possible.

5) Go Back

Honestly, if you could see my face while writing this one you would laugh as this section is going to be talking about taking those steps back to reality. 

I was lucky enough to be given 3 weekends off of work to grieve and I was off University for the Christmas break anyway, so that wasn't a problem.

However, before I knew it it was time to go back into work and I thought that as soon as I stepped foot inside I would begin to have a breakdown. Instead, I talked to some lovely customers, it kept my mind active and distracted and I also thought of the idea to do this blog post! 

When I left I felt so proud of myself but I can't deny that going back to reality was a painful experience but you have to remember that of course - it will be. Nothing is ever easy after going through something that breaks your heart but you have to push yourself as you and I both know that that's what they would of wanted.

I am going to end this post here as I don't want to overwhelm anybody with all my writing in this post, haha! 

I want you to know that if you're reading this and you can relate - I'm here for you. Feel free to contact me through my social media links on my homepage if you need someone to talk to. I am here for you and I promise things will get better.

Go out there and make them proud,

Lots of love,

Katie Ellen.

"We Only Part To Meet Again."

George Wright

x