I am back this week with a more serious blog post as I think this will not only help me but also help those of you dealing with the death of a loved one.
Over the Christmas period I was staying over at Karl's (My boyfriend) and was fast asleep when I awoke to my phone ringing. Now I didn't panic as when I am away from home even for a day my mum and I will keep in touch through texting and an odd phone call so I wasn't worried. However, when I answered the phone and heard my mums cries I immediately knew what had happened. It was then that she explained that my granddad had passed away.
Now I must stress that we was not expecting it to happen as although he was 89 he was almost healthier than me! Haha! So it came with trying to accept what had happened while grieving and it was a huge whirl wind of emotions in my head. I couldn't accept that my little Granddad was gone.
It's crazy isn't it how the world keeps turning and people go about their daily lives when your whole world has just came crashing down. But I guess that's why i'm here making this post. Because my life has to keep going without him.. whether I want it to or not. So, I am going to give you some things I have found helpful when dealing with the shock and death of a loved one.
1) Acceptance
I actually want to write that I hate this word, because in a way I do. We never want to accept that someone we love has gone, but the sad part is that we have to. For me I took moments alone to sit and tell myself that what was happening was very real, it helped me to accept it when it came from my own head. Although it hurts and tears will come just remember that someone else is going through this too. You aren't alone. Every time I found myself upset I'd wonder what he would say to me if he seen me that way... I reckon it would be something like "Blasted ell, what are you crying for!?" haha. Remember those funny little things, they will probably help most.
2) Memories
Now, if you have just recently lost a loved one then I bet you rolled your eyes at this one didn't you? I almost did too if i'm honest, haha.
Memories hurt most when a loved one first passes. You remember all the little things that mattered the most that now hurt you from the inside out. The good memories - the bad ones.. they all hurt. However, there is one thing that I can promise you. Over time and once the shock begins to fade and you find yourself thinking about them without having a breakdown - those memories will be everything. Cherish them in your heart and mind.
3) Grieving Together
This one played a massive part for me. I am very lucky to have a very close family. We would visit my granddad at his home around 4 to 5 times a week with my uncle and auntie & maybe more sometimes; to have tea with him and just spend time watching TV and chatting away. The thing that comforted me most was that after his passing we still kept on doing this. We would meet at his house and talk about all our amazing memories with him and grieved together.
Sometimes we believe we can't show emotion in front of our families after things like this because we want to stay strong for each other. That is not true. Sometimes crying together and picking each other up can be a huge step in processing grief together and alone.
4) Look After Yourself
Sometimes after a loved one dies it feels like part of us has gone with them too. We can get so caught up in making sure everyone else is okay that we forget about ourselves and it's so easy to do. We lose our appetite and when the person who has passed is part of your day to day life you find yourself losing track of time and days without them - but please remember that you are important to the people around you too.
Even if its as simple as taking a long relaxing bath or treating yourself to a takeaway. Those things can really make a difference to your mood and will also give the people around you reassurance that you are looking after yourself during a time when it doesn't feel possible.
5) Go Back
Honestly, if you could see my face while writing this one you would laugh as this section is going to be talking about taking those steps back to reality.
I was lucky enough to be given 3 weekends off of work to grieve and I was off University for the Christmas break anyway, so that wasn't a problem.
However, before I knew it it was time to go back into work and I thought that as soon as I stepped foot inside I would begin to have a breakdown. Instead, I talked to some lovely customers, it kept my mind active and distracted and I also thought of the idea to do this blog post!
When I left I felt so proud of myself but I can't deny that going back to reality was a painful experience but you have to remember that of course - it will be. Nothing is ever easy after going through something that breaks your heart but you have to push yourself as you and I both know that that's what they would of wanted.
I am going to end this post here as I don't want to overwhelm anybody with all my writing in this post, haha!
I want you to know that if you're reading this and you can relate - I'm here for you. Feel free to contact me through my social media links on my homepage if you need someone to talk to. I am here for you and I promise things will get better.
Go out there and make them proud,
Lots of love,
Katie Ellen.
"We Only Part To Meet Again."
George Wright
x
